The tour through my heart
by lovenhardt1
Summary: Adam is in love...and maybe he isn't the only one. An Adommy love story.


I don't exactly know how long it has been going on. But I do know that it seems to get bigger and bigger every day, and now it's at the point were it is killing me. Just killing me.

He is my best friend, and it's not like he has always been that, it just feels like it. There was just this chemistry, this feeling off belonging the very first time we locked eyes. Why, how or when it evolved to being **in love** I don't know, maybe it even started like that. But this is the most stupid thing EVER. He is straight and even though his is the most openminded person I have ever met, I doubt he is THAT openminded.

We were on the tour bus, just hanging and relaxing, some off the guys are playing cards, some listening to music. Tommy was on the phone with his girlfriend. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that he has a fucking girlfriend too! How messed up am I? I was listening to the conversation; I can't seem to stop myself. It sounded like she was going to catch up with Tommy at the next venue. God he looked so happy. He looked at me mouthing "she is coming". I put on a smile, but I knew it didn't reach my eyes. When he was done talking to her he turned to me "Something wrong babyboy?" "No, why do you think that?" I lied and he knew that, he just didn't know why. "I don't know, I just felt like my personal sun was hiding behind a cloud" he hugs me. "You do know that you can tell me, right?" I shook my head "Not this time Tommy Joe". He sends me a confused look. "But we tell eachother everything….. Or at least I tell you!" "Just leave it" I replied. I got off the couch and went into our little kitchen. I desperately needed a cup off coffee. I could hear Tommy follow me. God, he is like a dog with a bone, and I knew I had to come up with a plausible explanation. But I couldn't.

He was standing in the door frame, his legs apart and his arms crossed, I couldn't get around him. His eyes were fixed on me "Adam" the tone off his voice made it perfectly clear that he wanted answers, now.

I swallowed, and I tried very hard not to look at him, but his stare was so fucking demanding, finally I looked at him. "Does she have to come?" I whispered "Huh, oh, yea, I need to see her, feel her, you know. Why, Adam?" I let out a sigh and I sort off found my escape out off this conversation. "I just don't want to mess with our routine, I mean we always do something together as a band after a gig" Tommy snorted "You mean get a couple off drinks, talking about the concert and you and I mess around a little because we are running on adrenaline and energy of the crowd, come on Adam. You don't need me for that, plenty of other guys could easily take my place, and besides I need a little of real loving"

He fucking winked at me and then he turned around leaving me there, feeling totally lost. Just the idea about him and his girlfriend in bed made me want to slam my head into the wall, the mental pictures was killing me.

The concert was rad, the fans amazing, and Tommy was a tease the entire time. I wasn't once thinking of Tommy's girlfriend on stage. I felt alive, beautiful and sexy as hell. I left stage with quite a hard on! Jesus I want him so much. He had his arm around me, his head on my shoulder and I was perfectly happy. That's when I heard the voice "Tooommmyyyyy baby" He pulled away from me and ran towards the girl. My heart shattered into a million pieces, it was the first time I saw her, and of course she had to be beautiful. Tommy was kissing her holding her tight, but when I tried to pass them, Tommy's hand snaked out and hold me back. He tore his lips from the girls "Not so fast Lambert, I want you two too meet eachother" A huge smile was plastered all over his angelic face, his eyes sparkling and his lips all moist from kissing her. He looked so kissable. God, why can't I be the one making him look like that? He introduced us. And as soon as it was possible without being an ass I was out of there. I didn't see the rest of the band; I went straight to my hotel room and cried my eyes out. How did I manage to get myself caught in this mess?

The days went by and somehow it worked. We were in Europe, what's not to love? The concerts took on a life off their own. And even though I knew that Tommy was straight and in a relationship I couldn't hold back – at least not on stage – And Tommy never once complained. He was even cuddlier than ever off stage – and trust me; Tommy truly is a kitty, he can't get close enough. The after concerts, make out sessions was getting longer and more intense, but we always kept clothes on and hands never went further than torso. But the kisses… and the sounds he made….. Tommy panting!….. I had come to the conclusion that I didn't need sex, ever again if I could make out with Tommy forever.

Then Amsterdam happened, I don't know what to say…. We went a little overboard and... I wasn't the only one, Tommy did too…. We usually don't get like that. I mean during the show, it was saved for later, when we were high on adrenaline, energy and booze.

As soon as we got off stage Tommy called his girlfriend, I guess he knew that it wouldn't take long before it hit youtube. I heard him talking to her, telling her about the kiss and how it meant nothing, assuring her of his love and that he missed her. It was just too much. I needed to get out off there. Monte somehow saw right through me, he pulled me out of there – I was desperately trying breathe but I felt like weight of the world was on my chest. "Adam damn it, why did you have to fall for the straight guy" I was gasping for air "He can't be that straight, we kiss and touch eachother all the time" "I know Adam, but did it ever cross your mind that he is just lonely? That you are the best substitute he could find" I guess Monte was making a point and maybe I needed time apart from Tommy if I was ever going to survive this!

So that is exactly that I did. On stage I turned to Monte, I didn't ignore Tommy, that is simply not a possibility, but I kept the suggestive moves and lyrics to fever. Tommy got the hint immediately. But the sadness in his eyes nearly tore me apart. After the concert I went straight to my dressing room, I could hear Tommy was trying to talk to me but I didn't stop, I just had to get out off there. I heard him knock on my door "Adam what's wrong… if I did anything to make you angry with me I need to know….. Just let me fix this!" I knew I was being childish but I couldn't open the door. I knew that if I did, I would fall back into self destruction.

The next couple of days went on like this. I was avoiding him. Not just on stage but at the bus too. And it killed my baby's spirit. He looked more and more sad and he didn't seem to enjoy performing on stage at all, and as soon as we got on the bus he excused himself and went straight for his bunk putting his headphones on and isolated himself. I hated the whole situation. One night Monte looked at me with a very serious face on "Adam you guys need to talk, and very soon. We are loosing him; I swear to god he will disappear as soon as we get home if you don't fix this" "What do you want me to say to him? Huh Monte? Sorry babe, I want to fuck you so much that it makes me hurt to be around you. Or maybe something like: Tommy I am I love with you and I need you to loose that girlfriend off yours because I can't seem to function without you" I was getting angry. "I don't know what you should tell him, Adam. I just know that you two have to work it out and right now would be perfect!" I shook my head. "Not here, not on the bus were anybody can hear" "Alright, but at the time we hit the next hotel, I expect you to grow a pair of balls big enough to go into that conversation pretty boy!" I smiled, I couldn't help myself. Monte was damn cute when he turned all father like "Yes daddy" I kissed his cheek as I left him.

When we arrived at the hotel Monte looked at me while mouthing "Talk to him" I nodded. I knew we had to talk. I made sure that Tommy and I had joining rooms. Then we got in the elevator I looked at Tommy, he was looking at everything else than me. "Tommy… we need to talk…. Can I meet you in your room in about 15 minutes" he looked at me with a defensive look in his beautiful brown eyes. "Are you suddenly talking to me again?" his voice was dripping with venom. I guess that was when I realized just how much this was hurting him too. "Glitterbaby….." "Don't you dare Adam, to call me that right now" Anger filled his eyes, making them dark "Tommy can we please talk about this? We need to! I don't want to loose you, you mean too much to me" the look on his face hadn't changed a bit "Fine….. Just let me put my suitcase in my room and I will be there" he hissed. The elevator stopped and he got out of it, very careful not to touch me. I felt like I was going to cry.

5 minutes later I heard I knock on my door and it opened. Tommy walked in liked he owned the place. I smiled a little, well at least that hadn't changed. I was on the couch and I padded it, I wanted him next to me, he sat down looking a little nervous. "Okay Adam, what's going on….. Why can't you be around me…What changed, I mean we were….. I don't know…. You are my best friend….. And I miss you Adam… What did I do to deserve this attitude from you" The words seem to float out off him, like he didn't control them. I couldn't resist I needed to touch him, I reached out gently tucking his bangs behind his ear, my hand brushed against his cheek, and he leaned into my touch "Tommy" it came out a whisper. I couldn't swallow. But I knew that I had to continue "Amsterdam just went a little crazy…. I guess…. I needed some space… You are dangerous to me…. Seriously… It is like I could drown in you….. You occupy every part of my brain…. And I am scared off that it might do to me" He looked at me puzzled, my hand was still cupping his face and my thump was caressing his cheek. His eyes were locked in mine. "And you are arrogant enough to assume that it doesn't go both way? So what does this mean Adam?" "I honestly don't know Tommy Joe, but I need you in my life, I need us to be friends…But I don't know if I messed things up" "No, Adam you didn't, just don't push me away like that again…..Talk to me instead alright… Friends do that, you know?" I sighed, thinking that I might have let myself down by not spilling the entire truth, but at least he looked somewhat happy again. I can take this. I thought as long as it keeps my baby spirit safe. "So we are good?" I asked. "Of course we are babyboy" he send me a thousand watt smile, I mean the sun herself would be envious, and I could feel my brain turn into goo. He leaned in and kissed me, just a peck on the lips but my body doesn't seem to know the difference. I was as tense as a spring, but Tommy didn't seem to notice. He got off the couch and said goodnight. When he reached the door I finally pulled myself enough together to say goodnight to him too. He winked at he and said "Oh baby don't worry about what. My night is going to be perfect now" and then he was out off the door. I truly hate when he does that. Winks at me, it is just too sexy for me to handle and it goes straight to my crotch. Damn you Tommy Joe. I threw myself backwards on the couch. I was relived that we had talked. I was thrilled that Tommy was smiling again, and I was turned on as hell from being this close to him again. I could feel his lips on mine… those gorgeous fucking kiss-me-lips. He has this habit…. He bites his lower lip….. It drives me insane and then there is the smell off him – he just smells SO fucking delicious. Thoughts of Tommy whirled round my head, and my hand took of a life of its own palming my hard on. I must have been moaning pretty loud, because my phone vibrated. Tommy had send me a text.

Having fun babyboy ;-D

God that was embarrassing, I could feel my cheeks burn with shame. I didn't know if I should answer or just leave it alone. But at the same time the thought of HIM, being aware of ME doing THAT….So hot. The phone vibrated again

I thought we were done ignoring eachother? Can you just take it to the bathroom babe, because you are kinda leaving me hot and bothered here ;-) My head spun. Jesus, what to do? I texted back.

I do that to you? My phone went off again

Fuck you Adam, you know you do. I smirked I was really enjoying the way this was going.

Now you are giving me ideas Ratliff. I pushed send.

You clearly already have ideas…bathroom Adam, so I can get some sleep!

Okay, okay. Love you

Yeah love you too

The next morning the weather was dreadful but I felt like the sun was shining from a cloudless sky. As I sat down at the breakfast table I smiled at Tommy – he looked at me and a slow smile touched his face. "Mooorninnng babyboy" and he did it again! Winked at me! Would someone just put me down because I would die happy right now, 'cause we are back to normal! Monte sends me a satisfied smile and mouth "I am proud off you" I mouth back "I know"

The next couple of concerts we are back on track. The sexual energy of Tommy and I are magical again, and we are back to making out after shows too. The last night in London, I decided to push him a little in the right direction. During fever I grabbed his inner thigh at first he backed but then he saw the challenge in my eyes and he pushed back. I mean, PUSHED back. He eyes teasing me, daring to me to continue. Game on Ratliff I thought. I got the bass out of the way so that I could feel him as we locked lips. This time Tommy kissed me and not the other way around, and I was in heaven. I had no idea what I started that night, but I guess it changed my world.

When we were back at the hotel I went into my room. I needed a bath before meeting with the guys and the fever performance was playing over and over in my head. Maybe this finally got him to realize that he was attracted to me too, as a lover and not as a comfort blanket. God, I hoped so! Tommy and still had joining rooms, I loved to have him near, to be able to hear him or just to open a door and talk to him, look at him. I know I sound hopeless, but that is what love does to you! It makes you eat whatever crumbs your loved one leaves you with. As I was getting out of the bath I could hear Tommy talk to someone. There is this saying…. That curiosity killed the cat!

But I still had to get closer. I was tip toeing to the door between our rooms. It was closed; Tommy must have done that when the guest arrived. I really shouldn't invade his privacy like that, but there was no reasoning with myself. I had to listen. The other person spoke in a quiet voice….. Oooh my fucking god, it was Tommy's girlfriend…. When did she get here? Was that why he was so playful tonight? Did he know that she was coming? Without telling me? My mind was rambling, I leaned against the door. And that was then I heard the question. "DO YOU LOVE HIM?" she asked him very quietly but the question was very loud in my head. God, I needed to know that too "Of course I love Adam, his is my closest friend" "No, Tommy his is not, I don't know what you guys are….. But friends does not cover it" she didn't sound happy but neither angry. God, what I wouldn't give to see his face right there. "Tommy, what is going on…. Are you guys together?... Are you lovers?... Just tell me" I could hear Tommy sigh, he sounded so tired "No, we are not…. I don't know what we are… But I do know that we are not fucking….. Happy now?" he sounded hurt.

"No, I am not happy… I am tired of trying to compete with Adam….. And I don't want to do this anymore….. And I wish you loved me as much as Adam… But mostly I am sad because you clearly aren't happy….. I just want you to be happy… And then I look at you guys on stage tonight….. The way you look at eachother….. I don't think you have ever looked at me what way. With so much desire and lust and WANT….. Please don't deny that Tommy… We know eachother to well for that" "I don't deny that… Sometimes all I ever feel is Adam….. I breathe Adam, I taste Adam… I dream off Adam….. But I don't think he needs me like that….. because on stage it is fanservice… and when we have some private time together he never pushes it, even though I make it pretty clear what he makes me feel…. All I ever do is shiver, tremble and try to get as close as possible, but… That is why I hold on to us, so bad…. I know it sounds horrible but I know that you want me like that….. And it keeps me from falling apart… If I don't have you?….. Then he is going to be the end off me" "Oh honey I am sorry, but did you ever tell him with words" she gently asked "No"

I will never know how I got the strength to move. Tommy felt exactly like me, everything I was going through he went through too. I was trembling.

I slowly opened the door. They both looked at me. She got on her feet, looked at my baby and silently left. Tommy was looking at me the entire time. A thousand questions in his brown eyes "You heard?" he simply asked me. I nodded my head and slowly moved across the room. I sat down on the bed, I needed to be close to him "And?" he added. "Oh Tommy… I feel everything that you feel…. I thought, I made that clear a couple of days ago" "But you never told me that you wanted me, needed me like that" "self preservation, I want you so much that it is tearing me up Tommy Joe. I want to own you. I need you to belong to me and only me. I want to posses you. I want to consume you….. Do you really need to hear more?" Tommy wasn't breathing and he was biting that damn lip again. He locked his eyes into mine "Adam I want you too. I want you to posses and consume me. I want you inside me, on me and around me; I want to get totally lost in you, I love you" that did it for me, there was no holding back anymore. My beautiful Tommy loves me, wants me, and need me.

I push Tommy down to the madras, my hand are in his hair gently pulling it, our eyes locked together but then he licks his lips, his tongue slowly glide along them. And I can't help it. I stare frozen in lust. "Kiss me" he whisper. And nothing in the world could stop me from doing exactly that. Tommy taste like nothing else, like pure sin. I could kiss him forever. He moans, his hands crawl up my neck and into my hair. He pulls me closer depends the kiss making it more passionate. My breathing is irregular. I shiver. He moves his hands down my spine, a light teasing touch, but then he digs his hands into my hips pushing up against me, and I am no longer in any doubt whether he wants me or not. His is hard, very hard. "Shit" it come out of my mouth like a moan. Tommy turns his head a little making room for me to explore his long beautiful neck. I kiss and lick my way down just tasting him; my hands move under his t-shirt finds his nipples. He arches up his back in a perfect curve. He looks gorgeous; his eyes are like dark pools of desire like he worships me. Somehow we get the clothes off, don't ask me how, I wouldn't know. I need to feel his smaller frame against mine without anything between us. He spreads his legs further begging me to get closer. I might have lost myself right there, caressing his thigh and rubbing myself against him. Tommy is breathless, his hips thrusts in a steady rhythm against mine. His hand are allover my body, desperately, needy, the touches are no longer teasing but demanding, he wants more of everything. His lips are red, parted and hungry "Please Adam" I smile while I scrape my teeth along his thigh. This is what I wanted, what I always wanted, Tommy this way and all mine, it feels like nothing can ever hurt me again. I capture his wrists and pull them over his head; he fights me a little, because he wants to touch too. I shake my head "It will be over to soon if I let you babe, just feel for a while okay" he surrenders. "You are gorgeous Tommy, simply just perfect" I whisper. I kiss my way down his body and I can't help but to leave lovebites everywhere, because I he is MINE, he belongs to me. When I get to his hipbone, I look at him silently asking him if he is sure that he wants this. He shivers and nods. He tastes so fucking good. I look at him while I let my tongue, lips and teeth work their wonders on his dick. I can feel him twitch. And I know he is close! "Come for me baby. Just let go, I will catch you when you come down." And he lets go, I don't think I have ever seen anything as beautiful as Tommy loosing control like that. He looks so open and spent, but not fragile. Even tough his eyes are closed. I think it might be the light and contend smile on his lips that is the reason for it. I can't resist those lips, so I steel a kiss. He sighs. He is coming around again, regaining his consciousness. He kisses back, a long sexy kiss that almost kills me. He pushes me into the sheet, his fingers move over my body slowly and seductive. He watches me closely, I can see how he wants to learn everything about what makes me squirm, he looks powerful and knowing as he learns all of my secrets. I can't take it much longer I am barely hanging on. I want to be inside Tommy when I get there. I need to be. I have him on his back in a heartbeat. He laughs deep down in his throat "To much babyboy?" I bite his earlap and whispers "Yea, and I want to be inside you glitterbaby when I get there, I want you beneath me, looking at me with those gorgeous kitty eyes" he trembles "Will you let me?" "Yes" the little but powerful word comes out as a stutter. "I will be right back" I kiss him, and quickly find the necessaries.

Tommy is touching himself when I get back, the look in his eyes is dirty and he is gnawing on that lip again.

I kiss, lick and bits my way once more and now he is squirms and turns his head from side to side. I want to worship this body the rest of my life. I love the sensation of him. I don't think he was fully prepared for the feeling of my finger inside him, in a brief moment he tense, but then he surrender to the pleasure. He bites his own arm to hold back a shout. I get the condom on and lube up.

"Please Adam… I need you… please. He rolls his hips. Thrusting up against me. As gentle as possible I enter him. "Stay still for a moment Love" he doesn't move he just looks at me with so much love in his eyes, that it almost scare me. Before I move he pushes against me, and his eyes close as he moans. "Baby, are you okay" his eyes opens and need is the only thing present in them. He pulls me down for a rough kiss almost violent. He wants this. I try to bite back a growl but I can't. "Just fuck me Adam…. Now" he begs. I let the sensation of Tommy take over my consciousness and let it shake me to the core. I cry out his name as I feel the orgasm run through me, I literally see stars as I collapse besides him. Not a bone in my body would be able to hold me upright now. I know without a shadow of doubt that I will never love another person as much as I love Tommy. I said that I wanted to own him, the fact is that he own me. "I love you Tommy Joe, I think I always have, you are my destiny, my missing piece" he kiss me very soft and sensually "I know, you just showed me!"


End file.
